Lancia Report - in Pieces

[gamma a.i.]

oh my B)

I´ve been asked to write about "something Lancia", preferably about "Model ABC", or, if not about that Model, anything about any Model that might possibly interest readers of a particular Lancia Publication.
I proceeded to drag some dusty-old-drivel from the Literary-Cellar (actually some was in drier attic), freshened 'em up a bit ; removed "harsh-text"; replaced that text with a mild version of same, changed Manufacturer & Model Name &... ooo la la...old-drivel is now new-drivel .
It has been determined that this "new-Article" is to be several Articles & will be published as such.

Since few if none of thems who read Viva-Lancia English will ever receive nor read the other Publication, I've decided to liven-up your lives...or not...depending on how excitable you are:)

The Article - Pert I

for a change of Pace I give You the Fulvia Berlina - not Flaminia or Gamma or Flavia Berlina
- however, you can remove Fulvia if you wish & insert Flaminia, Gamma, Flavia or even Beta; it will still remain – more or less - same old same old Story -
PS: I’ve toned-down* the acidic-text from earlier versions which was actually first written, yrs ago, about horrid sub-standard vehicles of a different-manufacturer), *so as to not hurt feelings of Fulvia Berlina Owners, too much !!

Fulvisti, START YOUR FULVIA…..sputter puut puut cough blatt vrooommm vrooom

Every nice „still on the road“ Fulvia Berlina has a long-Story.
Some „sleeping but to-be-saved“ Fulvia Berlina have a long-stories too.
Some of these Stories are traceable, Day 1 to Day Now.
Some Stories are Murky, at Best*.
Some are Total-Fiction (i.e.-TOTAL BS) ! "Driven to Church by a Saint only on Dry Days" etc ha ha
Some Stories are Total-Unknowns*; so You Have to Make Up Your Own Story, if you own a Fulvia Berlina
*which is certainly understandable, so many years after production-ended.

Fulvia B - simple-charm & great-practicality in their favor; not forgetting to add great-rarity !
So few have survived. Their owners probably drove them daily when they were newish, which is certainly why they bought them ! They probably traded their Fulvia B for a newer modern Lancia (what else?) at some point. Or parked it under an Apple-Tree in a Garden at some point !! Few Fulvia B owners invested in restoration; understandably. Cost to restore a Fulvia B could easily be 10x its real-value – or more !!! - in the real-world - after the restoration ! Yikes Batman !!

Fulvia B are not, it seems, very desirable, as Collectors Automobiles. I understand !
I wouldn’t really want to own a Fulvia B….unless I lived in a very-warm-climate & was able to buy a very nice Fulvia B GT, for very little money. As it is, I live in a place where „“Winter is Wintery“; as mild as it may be in this Valley, we still have icey-salty roads …. plus toooo much rain in non-Winter.

I get nervous when my old Car(s) are even driven in Rain or even parked in hot-sun, when it does appear !!!
N. Euro isn’t the place for a Fulvia B as a daily driver – or even as a sometimes-driver (says me). Others disagree & drive all the time ! Bravo Fulvisti !

S.A., AU, Sud-Euro, California…dry places…Yes ! If the sun bakes the paint, repaint in a Nice-Metallic-Colour !

Actually, N. Anywhere isn’t a good place for any older car. As we all know… being honest …they all rustrustrust - or - if a they are a fiberglass-body-bomber on a steelfloorframe – the steelfloorframe rusts silently & the fiberglass* crazes & cracks ! Cracked Crazed Fiberglass is a Night-Mare to be sure !!
*Wow, you can double your trouble for the same buying price ! Watta deal Robin ! Lets buy 2 ![/i]

& besides & honestly – Fulvia B was & still is rather somewhat-boring visually, they have rather brick-like-looking aerodynamics, are usually dressed in drabish colors, always had a drabish interior, always had little performance! Can you imagine lack of performance when carrying a large-family., a full gas tank, with luggage + a 1.1 54 HP Fulvia B itself !

BUT IN ITS DAY IT WAS, performance-wise, RIGHT UP THERE WITH OR AHEAD OF THE "PRETENDERS" IN THE EURO-MID-SIZE-AUTO-PACK !!! So There Robin !!

Fulvia B always had plain white steel-wheels ? Why White ? Fulvia B alway had super tiny narrowish tires ! But, I have been told that these tires were right tires for Fulvia B. So There, yourself Batman !!

Fulvia B: perhaps a heavy-shoe-box on wheels – with ½ of storage-space taken up by spare tire ! Still – it still packs a lot of People-Space into a Small-Space by being so Boxy ; so it Makes-Sense, even Today.
Aha Batman, I see !!

Not forgetting - had it been larger, it would have been the:
Boxer-Motored (oh what horrors Batman!!) Boxy Bodied Flavia Berlina.

& besides & honestly – Fulvia B was & still is rather somewhat-boring visually, they have rather brick-like-looking aerodynamics, are usually dressed in drabish colors, always had a drabish interior, always had little performance! Can you imagine lack of performance when carrying a large-family., a full gas tank, with luggage + a 1.1 54 HP Fulvia B itself !

BUT IN ITS DAY IT WAS, performance-wise, RIGHT UP THERE WITH OR AHEAD OF THE PRETENDERS IN THE EURO-MID-SIZE-AUTO-PACK !!! So There Double Dare Robin !!

Fulvia B always had plain white steel-wheels ? Why White ? Fulvia B alway had super tiny narrowish tires ! But, I have been told that these tires were right tires for Fulvia B. So There, yourself Batman !!

Fulvia B: perhaps a heavy-shoe-box on wheels – with ½ of storage-space taken up by spare tire ! Still – it still packs a lot of People-Space into a Small-Space by being so Boxy ; so it Makes-Sense, even Today.
Aha Batman, I see !!

Not forgetting - had it been larger, it would have been the:
Boxer-Motored (oh what horrors Batman!!) Boxy Bodied Flavia Berlina.

& - SURPRISE !! I like the FulvIa B !!!! I like the Flavia B more !!!

Just like I liked my economical copper metallic (of course) 1970 Boxey Pudget 404 automatic, a/c that only knew 1 position = FREEZE !!, sunroof, fins, headrests, rugs & lots of chrome…features no Fulvia ever had …….. Away Back in Days of Ould !!!

Cheech Batman..why didn’t Fulvia B have those features too?, at least as options ?…a naked Fulvia Berlina for so much more HARD-CASH than a loaded French 404 could have had some luxury, or not ?
Well, Robin, not all in Life is Fair

Back to Boxes - in fairness to Boxy Fulvia B Enginering & Styling-Teams (RIP):
what Sedaney 4doorey o’ those times was longlowsleekspiffyunintelligently-bodied & not BOXYBOXY ?

BOXY was In, Chic & Intelligent ! Check out - Lada, Fiat, Seat, Inno, A'bianci, Volvo, DAF, Nis-Dat-Toy-Maz-Suburatimo's of bygone days + most "smallish"- US/UK/DE/FR family cars ! No low pointy noses (takes-up parking space); long shallow tails (no room for luggage, takes-up parking space), no extended front overhang in the name of "style" (taking up more space in crowded cities); "Batman, we better trade in the Batmobile B for a Fulvia B quick, but a 1.3L please!

ooops, there went a long low spiffy strange-bodied Citroen ID DS SM (etc) Buck Rogers Flash Gordon Space-Ship Flying Saucer !!! LOOKING MORE BATCARISH THAN THE REAL BATMOBILE !! WOP, KAZAMM, HOLEY MOLEY BATGIRL !!!

Ahem ,,,, I have many Fulvia B Friends who Love their Fulvia B !
I am happy for them !!
I have no friends with 404’s & have no idea if any 404’s exist anywhere anymore ??

End of Pert I: thank goodness

[Henrik]

Ha ha John

Thank you for making me smile after a lousy day.
Forum moderator, fry him. It should have been posted in "Raamble on";)

[gamma a.i.]

sorry that the 2d part of the above Article is all fat letters; I don't know how this happened & can't figure out how to undo it ! ; although I've tried a # of times...it just stay the same/b] signed Fulvia a.i. Fulvia

[fulvia a.i.]

ha ha Hendrik; thank you; just wait until you read the next Chapter*.

It is already written; but I will await for the shouting to dye-down b4 I submit it.

In any case, it is all opened to any criticism & / or Praise & / or corrections....

Anyway, by posting it here - up on top - it will be available to all Lancia-Heads!

Ramble On (Pony) is reserved for Spiritual Beings & (should) contain non-Lancia Matters...or whatever

If I posted it in the Fulvia - Bracket it would be ignored by the Posh-Lancisti;)

[fulvia a.i.]

depending on what I have done wrong this time; this could be the correct layout & format of the misprinted text above; I hope it isn't FAT again:

& besides & honestly – Fulvia Berlina was & still is rather somewhat-boring visually, they have rather brick-like-looking aerodynamics, are usually dressed in drabish colors, always had a drabish interior, always had little performance! Can you imagine lack of performance when carrying a large-family, a full gas tank, with luggage + a 1.1L 54 HP Fulvia Berlina itself !

BUT IN ITS DAY IT WAS, performance-wise, RIGHT UP THERE WITH OR AHEAD OF THE PRETENDERS IN THE EURO-MID-SIZE-AUTO-PACK !!! So There Robin !!

Fulvia Berlina always had plain white steel-wheels ? Why White ? Fulvia Berlina alway had super tiny narrowish tires ! But, I have been told that these tires were right tires for Fulvia Berlina.
So There, yourself Batman !!

Fulvia Berlina: perhaps a heavy-shoe-box on wheels – with ½ of storage-space taken up by spare tire ! Still – it still packs a lot of People-Space into a Small-Space by being so Boxy ; so it Makes-Sense, even Today.

Aha Batman, I see !!

Not forgetting - had it been larger, it would have been the:
Boxer-Motored (oh what horrors Batman!!) Boxy Bodied Flavia Berlina.

& besides & honestly – Fulvia Berlina was & still is rather somewhat-boring visually, they have rather brick-like-looking aerodynamics, are usually dressed in drabish colors, always had a drabish interior, always had little performance! Can you imagine lack of performance when carrying a large-family., a full gas tank, with luggage + a 1.1 54 HP Fulvia Berlina itself !

BUT IN ITS DAY IT WAS, performance-wise, RIGHT UP THERE WITH OR AHEAD OF THE PRETENDERS IN THE EURO-MID-SIZE-AUTO-PACK !!! So There & Double Dare Robin !!

Fulvia Berlina always had plain white steel-wheels ? Why White ? Fulvia Berlina alway had super tiny narrowish tires ! But, I have been told that these tires were right tires for Fulvia Berlina.
So There, yourself Batman !!

Fulvia Berlina: perhaps a heavy-shoe-box on wheels – with ½ of storage-space taken up by spare tire ! Still – it still packs a lot of People-Space into a Small-Space by being so Boxy ; so it Makes-Sense, even Today.

Shazam Batman, I see, I see now !!

Not forgetting - had it been larger, it would have been a:
Boxer-Motored (oh what horrors Batman!!) Boxy Bodied Flavia Berlina.

& SURPRISE !! I like Fulvia B !!!! I like Flavia B more !!!

Just like I liked my economical copper metallic (of course) 1970 Boxy Pudget 404 automatic, a/c that only knew 1 position = FREEZE !!, sunroof, fins, headrests, rugs & lots of chrome…features no Fulvia ever had …….. Away Back in Days of Ould !!!

Cheech Batman..why didn’t Fulvia Berlina have those features too?, at least as options ?…a naked Fulvia Berlina for so much more HARD-CASH than a loaded French 404 could have had some luxury, or not ?
Well, Robin, not all in Life is Fair

Back to Boxes - in fairness to Boxy Fulvia Berlina Enginering & Styling-Teams (RIP):
what Sedaney 4doorey o’ those times was longlowsleekspiffyunintelligently-bodied & not BOXYBOXY ?

BOXY was In, Chic & Intelligent !
Check out - Lad, Fiat, Seat, Inno, A'bianci, Vol, DAF, Nis-Dat-Toy-Maz-Sub-atimo's of bygone days + most "smallish"- US/UK/DE/FR family cars ! No low pointy noses (takes-up parking space); nor long shallow tails (no room for luggage (takes-up parking space), no extended front overhang in name of "style" (taking up more space in crowded cities); "Batman, we better trade in the Batmobile for a Fulvia Berlina quick, but the 1.3 please!

Say I: ooops, there went a long low spiffy strange-bodied Citroen ID DS SM (etc) Buck Rogers Flash Gordon Space-Ship Flying Saucer !!!
LOOKING MORE BATCARISH THAN THE REAL BATMOBILE !! WOP, KAZAMM, HOLEY MOLEY BATGIRL !!!

Ahem ,,,, I have many Fulvia Berlina Friends who Love their Fulvia Berlina !
I am happy for them !!
I have no friends with 404’s & have no idea if any 404’s exist anywhere anymore ??

End of Pert I: thank goodness

[Philip]

we had a Fulvia GT; lovely car and very fast; it had something like 80bhp out of 1216cc - more than a current 1.2 litre Ypsilon...

[fulvia a.i.]

Phil you were just 1 Lucky-Kid back then & (I know) you still have a Lancia;) !

[Philip]

some photos from the family archives...as you see Fiat & Lancia are there from early on...more recently a Prisma, Dedra, Thema SW and Lybra as well as several Unos & Puntos...

[Philip]

yes, I'm the little blond kid on the bonnet (hood for the Americans) of the 500 Giardiniera...

[fulvia a.i.]

best photos I've seen on Forum !! Thanx !! U didn't tell me ur dad drove a 911 !!, even if it was a Fiat