het nieuwe jaar en een nieuwe handleiding

[Bob Rockland]

Zo, dat het nieuwe jaar eindelijk mijn Fulviaatje af mag komen.

Verder heb ik alvast een duidelijke vertaling gevonden van de Haynes handleiding, zie hier:


Manual: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with molegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer...
anticlockwise.
***
Manual: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles........on both hands.
***
Manual: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell matey!
***
Manual: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now
you are looking at scarey photos of the inside of a gearbox.
***
Manual: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
***
Manual: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (industrial size).
***
Manual: Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly had my eye out"!
***
Manual: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - thats the glass bit off, now fetch some good pliers to
dig out the bayonet bit.
***
Manual: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your
forehead are throbbing. Then re-check the manual because what you are
doing now cannot be 'lightly'.
***
Manual: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it...
***
Manual: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
***
Manual: One spanner rating.
Translation: Your Mum could do this... so how did you manage to botch it
up?
***
Manual: Two spanner rating.
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a low,
tiny, 'ikkle number... but you also thought the wiring diagram was a map
of the London underground (in fact that would have been more use to you).
***
Manual: Three spanner rating.
Translation: But Nova's are easy to maintain right... right? So you think
three Nova spanners has got to be like a 'regular car' two spanner job.
***
Manual: Four spanner rating.
Translation: You are seriously considering this aren't you, you fool!
***
Manual: Five spanner rating.
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride in it afterwards!!!
***
Manual: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation: ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
***
Manual: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear at,
throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the garage for
it whilst muttering "bugger" repeatedly under your breath.
***
Manual: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are
looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, as I
thought, it's going to need a new one"!
***
Manual: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!
***
Manual: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
***
Manual: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.
***
Manual: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark plugs removed.
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much harder.
Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, you can start
to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark plugs.
***
Manual: Refitting is the reversal of removal.
Translation: But you swear in different places.
***
Manual: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
Translation: Snap off...
***
Manual: Using a suitable drift...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!
***
Manual: Everyday toolkit
Translation: Ensure you have an RAC Card & Mobile Phone
***
Manual: Apply moderate heat...
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate heat.
***
Manual: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book but the thing you want to
do!

[jan freie]

erg leuk, Bob en zeer herkenbaar

vr gr
Jan Freie